New Hobby - Youtube

This week I decided to go out on a limb, I'm not sure what got into me, but I'm glad it did!  I posted a video on YouTube of me singing the lullaby I sang to my kids every night when they were little.  I even put it on Facebook  for my friends to see, and within three days it had just over 200 views.   It wasn't a great video, just me standing there singing into my phone, and 200 views isn't amazing for some people, but it was pretty fun for me to share something that is so meaningful to my family and me with so many people, and I didn't even have to go through any stage fright or anything.

I've been wanting to record me singing lullabies to my grandkids for years, and I finally realized I didn't have to wait until I had the money for a recording studio....I would let technology work for me for a change.

I did it because I want them to know me even though we don't live in the same city.  Last night my son, Cameron, said they turned it on while Kellie was eating, but when she heard it, she immediately stopped eating and started smiling and smiling! That  holds such deep meaning for me!   Family is so important to me, and even though my grandkids are tiny, I want them to know that I love them. 

I'm going to be adding more lullabies and my daughter is going to put picture slides on it while it's playing....much more interesting than watching me sing.  I love singing and am so happy I found an outlet that at least a few will appreciate.

So, what I learned this week is to believe in myself and pursue things I love, even if it doesn't make money, and even if it's not appreciated by the majority of the people.

Here's a link to it if anybody wants to see it...and tell me nice things about it...and suggestions for my future songs :)   If you don't like it, be like Thumper and just don't say anything at all.
Stay Awake

Rose Marie Reid

After class in the library this week, I decided to revisit the display featuring Rose Marie Reid’s famous swimming suits. Unlike the first time, there was an lady giving a tour to some friends, and they graciously invited me to join them. The tour guide turned out to be none other than Rose Marie's daughter, Carole, who told stories about what it was like growing up with such an internationally famous and influential mother.  Wow...Rose Marie was an incredible woman!  It sounded like she loved everyone, from iconic movie stars such as Joan Crawford, to the butcher and the phone operator. She touched their lives not only by sharing her immense love with them but also her love of the gospel. She said, “Tell everyone you meet that you are a Mormon, and then live it to the utmost of your ability.”

I love how she did not allow the lures of stardom change her, like we see so many other people do.  She served throughout her whole life in philanthropic projects, missionary work, and whatever else the prophet (personally) asked her to do.

I got the opportunity to become friends with Carole, and look forward to the opportunity to get to know her better.  I love the benefits of being a friendly person!!

We have Rose Marie to thank for many things we still enjoy today.  Go check it out!

What BYU Football Taught Me Tonight

Tonight was such a great game! It was awesome to see the BYU Football team come from behind during the first half of the game (again!), overcome so many bad calls by the referees, see Tanner, our quarterback, playing even though he was injured last week, and just drive it hard until they won! The game was fun and exciting as I high-fived everyone around me and yelled till I was hoarse.  But, it was the after-game interview with the team that really impressed me and taught me something big. Not that I didn't know this principle before - I've heard in my whole life – but I saw it in action, and it had a big impact on me.

Coach Mendenhall was so gracious and positive on the radio – more so than he was during the game (his own confession.).  He spoke positively about their strengths, positively about their weaknesses, didn't mention the refs but rather that they suffered from some severe penalties.  He had lots of reasons to publicly complain about the referees. There were so many unfair calls and 60,000 angry fans filled the stadium with booing and some unsportsmanlike yelling at the refs. But Bronco was gracious nonetheless, focused on speaking so highly of his team, and explained how during the first quarter he didn't know what he was doing – they tried one thing after another after another until they were able to figure out how to beat the other team.  I loved his honesty because...sometimes I don't know what I'm doing and I try one thing after another after another before I can figure out how to succeed.  It made me think, "If he does that, I guess I'm OK too!"   

Tanner Mangum was equally impressive during the interview.  He said that his team just knows they are going to win, even when things look BAD, they just know deep down they are going to win! I watched their body language after some of the really bad calls, expecting to see the stress show, but instead, they stayed loose and seemed oblivious to the stress. They just focused on winning the game and even looked like they were having a good time.  

It made me think of how I handle difficult situations, how resilient am I?  I've been somewhat resilient with the many hardships I've had, but I struggle with discouragement sometimes, which negatively affects everything in my life. It affects my body language, my ability to smile, and my ability to focus.  It affects how much I want to serve other people. It affects how often I go to the temple and how much time I spend reading my scriptures.  Tonight, Tanner showed me that I don't have to default to react in the ways I have reacted in the past.  Outside pressures don't have to effect me.  I can stay focused on hope while things aren't going my way, or when they are just plain hard, and to just keep plugging away with a cheerful attitude - to believe I am going to succeed!

Seeing this play out right before my eyes really caught my attention because  this morning I took a minute to read through a list I taped to my mirror: "Changing Thoughts and Perceptions."  On one side there are stress reducing statements, and on the other side is a list of stress inducing statements.   It's a list I'm usually too stressed to look at....

 It suggests changing thoughts to be more positive, thinking thoughts such as:
"It is not worth getting upset over."
"My best is good enough"
"Regardless of how I do, I can learn from it."
 And my favorite – "worrying won't solve the problem". (Like I'd ever do that! Pshh.... ;-)

Rather than thinking things like:
"It probably won't work."
"I'm not as smart as they are"
"If I make a mistake, I'm a failure."
"I'm getting nervous."
"I'm not BYU material."

I'm not an expert at football, but even I could tell that the BYU football team played with HOPE the entire time. I could tell that they were not getting down on themselves for making tons of mistakes and disappointing 60,000 fans in the process.  I loved how the football team repeatedly said that they stayed positive and believed in themselves and in each other. I saw firsthand how much easier it is to be successful if I keep hope in my heart and believe I will win in the end.  Watching them be resilient, teaches me to be resilient!

And I'll admit it's comforting to know that when I make a mistake, it's not in front of 60,000 people who will yell at me, won't be published in the paper, won't be talked about on the radio and national news....my mistakes pretty much matter only to me. I think it would be cool to be able to handle that kind of stress, though.  That can be my next project on myself :)

Learning to be Tenacious

I learned something so cool this week! Something that will save me tons of money and make my life so much easier!  

Many years ago I developed chronic pain when I use my hands - which made coming back to school pretty scary. Lucky for me, the school makes accommodations for people with disabilities. There is a section of the library where I can go and use a computer program that I can dictate my papers using a microphone, and it will type it for me. The drawback is that everyone around me can hear what I'm saying and I often feel super awkward. Especially when I am writing a paper for a class on marriages and families and I have to include personal information. NOT my favorite thing in the world. I have resisted buying the program for myself because it doesn't work on a tablet – it has to be a PC. I really don't want to PC, so I have been "making do" since January.

On one of my assignments this week, I decided to work on a Google Doc instead of Microsoft Word like I usually do. As I was looking around for a particular button, I saw a button called Voice Typing. With the other computer program, I use an expensive headset with a microphone. That night I just plugged in my earbuds and started talkimg. It worked! Now I can write papers at home, and whatever else I can think of to dictate.

I also have learned a bit about tenacity this week. I have a good friend that works at BYU and she has a lot of connections with healthcare professionals because her daughters have had a lot of health problems. I have gone to see some of the  professional she has recommended, but so far none of them have worked. this is been going on for years and it's very discouraging. Treatments are all often quite painful and expensive, and after a time, I usually just suck it up and stop looking for a while. My friend will have none of that. She sets me up with one phone number after another.

She told me about how her young daughter was sick for 8 years and how she finally found the right doctor, got better and 6 months later was perfectly healthy. Her daughter wanted to quit after 2 years of searching, but her mother never gave up.   It's really important for me to exhaust my resources because it is really important to me to have this handicap resolved so that I can support myself in a couple of years. My friend is friends with one of the apostles who also encouraged her to keep looking. On the flipside, my mother, Bless her heart, advised me years ago that I should just accept that I am going to hurt and that that is going to be my trial in life. Haha...moms. We try our best but don't always give the best advice. It is up to each one of us to be led by the Holy Ghost - not to take a poll on what everyone else thinks. It's our life, it's up to us to make the best of it.

Cherishing Love

I am one of the seemingly few happily divorced women out there who enjoys not being in a relationship.  Being alone is vastly better than being with someone who places his wants over everyone else's needs or who enforces those wants with manipulation, fear, and retaliation.  I believe in eternal families, but I have all but given up on finding a man I even want to spend time with let alone marry.  But this week I realized a new aspect to my happiness I hadn't considered.

My happiness is real, thanks to the greatest gift of all...the Atonement of Christ, but I found there is another level I hadn't realized was there.  I found this out while watching a movie where the husband and wife had such a sweet and supportive relationship with each other...and I cried.  I cried and cried because love is so beautiful when it is real and unselfish and when it is seen for the rare gem it is.   It dawned on me that.....maybe I would want love in my life again.. at some point, but on my terms, not "his."  Well...if it was a healthy relationship, our terms would mesh..and it would be beautiful, like my brother's marriage.  So, apparently I have built wall to protect me from the selfish, narcissistic men out there who are interested in giving little and taking much.

Finding love the first time around was easy.  The first man that came along swept me off my feet, showered me with attention, asked me to make him the happiest man on earth and marry him....so I did.  It turned out that was exactly how he saw marriage.  He wasn't interested in making me the happiest woman on earth by marrying me.  I lived in fear for my entire marriage of 24 years.

Finding love the second time around feels impossible, and it makes me mad when I see married people that don't cherish their love, who are self centered and are looking for an out.  I fear that others will see me divorced and happy and assume they will be happier divorced, too.  IT'S NOT THAT EASY!!!

People - if you have a spouse - value them, show love for them, sacrifice for them, be kind, be vulnerable, connect with them on an emotional level, cherish what you have!!!!!!  Cherish it to the point that it defines your life (not you, but your life).  Don't start thinking you're entitled to the love given to you - keep earning it!  Have personal boundaries, but for heavens sake - love is hard to find and should be treated as the rare gift it is!  Just like personal testimonies need to be constantly nourished to stay strong and immovable, so do marriages.

I also learned that I need to branch out and find new friends.  I feel like I'm in a superficial fishbowl and I yearn to find local friends to be a role model for me (yes, even at my age I need role models).  I know I have more healing to do and want to find healthy people to learn from by watching them model healthy behavior.  I spend most of my time doing homework now, so right now is not the best time I can do that...but I still yearn for it.

This FANTASTIC documentary might just convince me to look around again.  It was fun to see one of my BYU friends interviewed on it - maybe you'll see someone you know, too!

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=36747290&nid=295&title=love--marriage-a-modern-take-on-a-traditional-vow&s_cid=queue-3