Cherishing Love

I am one of the seemingly few happily divorced women out there who enjoys not being in a relationship.  Being alone is vastly better than being with someone who places his wants over everyone else's needs or who enforces those wants with manipulation, fear, and retaliation.  I believe in eternal families, but I have all but given up on finding a man I even want to spend time with let alone marry.  But this week I realized a new aspect to my happiness I hadn't considered.

My happiness is real, thanks to the greatest gift of all...the Atonement of Christ, but I found there is another level I hadn't realized was there.  I found this out while watching a movie where the husband and wife had such a sweet and supportive relationship with each other...and I cried.  I cried and cried because love is so beautiful when it is real and unselfish and when it is seen for the rare gem it is.   It dawned on me that.....maybe I would want love in my life again.. at some point, but on my terms, not "his."  Well...if it was a healthy relationship, our terms would mesh..and it would be beautiful, like my brother's marriage.  So, apparently I have built wall to protect me from the selfish, narcissistic men out there who are interested in giving little and taking much.

Finding love the first time around was easy.  The first man that came along swept me off my feet, showered me with attention, asked me to make him the happiest man on earth and marry him....so I did.  It turned out that was exactly how he saw marriage.  He wasn't interested in making me the happiest woman on earth by marrying me.  I lived in fear for my entire marriage of 24 years.

Finding love the second time around feels impossible, and it makes me mad when I see married people that don't cherish their love, who are self centered and are looking for an out.  I fear that others will see me divorced and happy and assume they will be happier divorced, too.  IT'S NOT THAT EASY!!!

People - if you have a spouse - value them, show love for them, sacrifice for them, be kind, be vulnerable, connect with them on an emotional level, cherish what you have!!!!!!  Cherish it to the point that it defines your life (not you, but your life).  Don't start thinking you're entitled to the love given to you - keep earning it!  Have personal boundaries, but for heavens sake - love is hard to find and should be treated as the rare gift it is!  Just like personal testimonies need to be constantly nourished to stay strong and immovable, so do marriages.

I also learned that I need to branch out and find new friends.  I feel like I'm in a superficial fishbowl and I yearn to find local friends to be a role model for me (yes, even at my age I need role models).  I know I have more healing to do and want to find healthy people to learn from by watching them model healthy behavior.  I spend most of my time doing homework now, so right now is not the best time I can do that...but I still yearn for it.

This FANTASTIC documentary might just convince me to look around again.  It was fun to see one of my BYU friends interviewed on it - maybe you'll see someone you know, too!

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=36747290&nid=295&title=love--marriage-a-modern-take-on-a-traditional-vow&s_cid=queue-3