End thoughts

MCOM 320 class....I'm sorry that my posts are so long and expressed such deep thoughts, rather than finding simple things to write about.  However, I wrote about things that I had learned, that were meaningful to me - whether they would be appreciated by the majority of the people or not. My experiences also make it to where I feel that if I didn't learn something that really impacts my life in a profound way....it's not very important and I don't give it as much weight as the things that do.

I really enjoyed reading other people's simple yet interesting posts and kept wishing I could do that.  But here we are, at the end of the semester, and I rarely did.  I guess THAT is something I could have written about if I would've learned it ha ha.

I walked a mile with Pleasure,

    She chattered all the way;

   But left me none the wiser,

    for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow

  And Ne'er a word said she;

But, oh, the things I learned from her

   When Sorrow walked with me!

                  Along the Road - by Robert Browning Hamilton

I learned a lot from sorrow in my life, and tried to share it.  I would want to encourage everyone to not be afraid of it, to embrace life whether you're at a hard or easy place in life....neither seem to last forever.  Embrace the Savior's Atonement, because it makes the hard meaningful and the good, even better.

I sure enjoyed my classmates and Professor Middleton!  You guys were fun and I wish you all well. :)

Things I learned when reading Leadership and Self Deception

Things I learned when reading Leadership and Self Deception

This is such a valuable book and I wish everyone in the whole world would read it!  It is fascinating to see how they diagram the decision process we use to make our decisions, so we can ask ourselves what our true motives are, and live a truer life, rather than one based on the lies we tell ourselves and defend relentlessly.

We tend to believe our paradigms are our true selves - we believe ourselves to be charitable, hard working people, and at times, wonder what's wrong with other people.  Yet analyzing our thought process linked to actions and motives reveal true character.  This might sound laborious and time consuming, but it only takes a moment, and is well worth it.

It is also helpful to know that we all, as in... EVERYONE deceives ourselves on a regular basis, so telling ourselves that we don't - doesn't fly.    The key is to catch ourselves and change our thoughts, motives, and if needed, actions.  While reading it, I noted some people I am "in the box" toward, and am working to get out of it and see them in a new light.  Why?  because it's a healthier and happier way to live!

Notes I took:

1.        An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self betrayal

2.       When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal

3.       When I see a self justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted

4.       So, when I betray myself, I enter The Box

When we’re in the box, we inflate others’ faults and inflate our virtues.  We blame so we can justify ourselves.  Our feelings have to justify ourselves, so we have to look at the world as attacking us and we have to fight back.

5.        Over time certain boxes become characteristic of me and I carry them with me.

They become part of me, causing me to view myself in a distorted way.

6.        By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box

The way they act invites me to be in the box and act in a way that invites them to be in the box and act in a way that causes me to want to stay in the box….a cycle.  It’s like saying, “I’ll mistreat you so that you can mistreat me and we can blame each other for mistreating each other.”

7.        In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and attain (obtain) mutual justification.  We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. 

What doesn’t work when we’re in the box

1.        Trying to change others

2.       Communicating – we’ll be thinking we’re right

3.       Leaving – take our box with us

4.       Doing my best to cope

5.       Implementing new skills and techniques – all will be skewed and ineffective

6.       Changing my behavior -

We don’t NEED to blame when we’re out of the box

We get a perverted sense of pleasure at seeing someone else fail when we're In the Box

The Picture That Changed My Life

I was reading the scriptures this week and came to a chapter in the Book of Mormon where Isaiah is talking about Christ.  It made me think....If I had the power to make life anyway I wanted, I'm sure I would choose to have a wonderful husband, wonderful children, a beautiful home, we would all be beautiful, well educated, healthy and successful.  In fact, we would perform wonderful philanthropy work around the world. Yep, we would be pretty impressive.  

Yes, if I were God, and could create a perfect life for myself, it would truly be a beautiful life.   Why is it then that an all powerful God, who could have had every luxury, honor, prestige, did not do that for himself?  Isaiah describes how Jesus Christ would live and how man would view the Creator of all things:

Oppressed,
afflicted, despised,
rejected of men,
a Man of sorrows,
And acquainted with grief,
stricken and smitten of God,
afflicted,  wounded,
And bruised,
The chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed,
He was born, died, and was buried, not of the king, but as a pauper.

He was trying to do the greatest work ever done, gather as many followers as possible, all while looking and living rather unimpressively.  According to any standards, Jesus didn't have the perfect life, with the perfect family, and the perfect house.  He struggled to be accepted by those he loved...some of his siblings didn't even believe in him.  He lost his earthly father, who must have been a great support to him as he grew, and was abandoned and betrayed by friends.

During one of the hardest times in my life, I viewed myself as abandoned by God. I viewed him up on his heavenly throne, completely able yet selfishly unwilling to give me even the slightest help.  I was so angry.  For a while, I even contemplated abandoning Him, as He had abandoned me, but knew only more heartache would follow.  

During this time, I saw a picture that changed my paradigm and therefore the trajectory my life was on, in an instant.  The picture showed Christ wounded, despised, rejected, and  full of sorrow.  It reminded me that Christ intimately knew how desperately miserable I was, because he went through something that was so hard, he too, could barely accomplish it.

All of a sudden, my anger melted away and was replaced with love and understanding.  I understood that he was there for me and that I had rejected him without realizing it, and it was me that needed to open up to him, rather than waiting for him to rescue me.  In that moment, I understood that if God's earthly life was so full of difficulties in order to fulfill his purposes, my difficulties would find a purpose, too. I endured severe trials for many more years, asking God the only thing I could think to ask - fix my life!  He didn't.  When I was ready though, he did deliver me in a way I could never have foreseen as a possibility.  He has brought me unspeakable peace and is always there for me.