FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!

I had been anticipating the first day of Fall Semester at BYU for months.  I knew I would need to plan ahead, so in April I looked up when Fall Semester started, put it on my calendar, and loaded my 2 week break with all kinds of things that had absolutely NOTHING to do with school....which were the only 2 weeks of the year I would be able to do that.  I went out of town twice, had surgery, got better and took care of my daughter in law who just honored me with my 4th grandchild, got in the car to come home 2 days before school started, when something began tickling my brain.  What did Janine, who teaches at BYU, post on Facebook that very morning?  That there was a fire drill on the first day of school?  What first day of school was she talking about?  I called BYU and found out my first day of school was almost over, and I was 3 hours away!

In general, I consider myself a hard worker, successful at many things, including school, and being conscientious.  On the flip side, however, I also know I make mistakes, which hurts my ego quite a bit.  It's something I tried to ignore for a while.  After all, it's hard to feel confident you've covered your bases only to find that you've messed up BIG TIME!  I still don't know why I thought school started on Sept. 2nd, but I did.  30,000 other students knew better....why didn't I?  It's easy for me to be critical of myself, to feel like I'm not good enough.  It's hard to accept that I make BIG mistakes when I try so hard!  

I am changing, though.  Little by little, I am realizing that mistakes are a part of everyone's lives, not just mine and other 'lame' people.  I used to look at mistakes to be avoided at all cost, but I am seeing life differently now.  If I am not willing to make mistakes, I am not willing to fail.  If I'm not willing to fail, I won't try.  If I don't try, I'll never know what I can do.  That mindset kept me from trying new things and seeing myself in roles outside of my comfort zone.  My life became more and more confined and guarded, which was a product of many things going on in my life, including the way I viewed not doing things "the right way."

I didn't like that me, so I set out to change her.  While I still try to not make mistakes, I don't beat myself down when I do.  I learned for myself that my Father in Heaven loves me immensely, even when I make a mistake.  I look at it as - I chose the hard way to learn something, instead of the easy way.  I feel my Heavenly Father's love whenever I seek it, but especially when I apologize to Him for not doing things as He would have done them.  I am finding that I'm more creative, happy, peaceful, and playful.  I also have so much more gratitude in my heart for all of the things in my life, whether they would be considered trials or blessings, I look at them all with appreciation.  

I will still be quadruple checking the BYU calendar for the correct first day of Winter semester, though.....