Anger Management Styles

I love all of my classes this semester – I am learning so many useful things I can use in my life.

In my family processes class, I thought this was particularly interesting, and have summarized some points.


There are five types of anger management styles that people tend to use:

Pursuer:  pursuers tend to want to create highly connected intimate relationships. They react to their anxiety by seeking greater togetherness in a relationship. They tend to  criticize their partner if they cannot talk and express their feelings as openly as they, and pursue even  more vigorously before coldly withdrawing. 

 Distancers:   Tend to create disengaged intimate relationships. They want emotional space when stress is high. They are private, self-reliant people rather than help-seekers. Partners tend to describe them as being emotionally unavailable. They also manage anxiety by retreating into their work. Distancers tend to open up most when they are not pursued. 

Underfunctioners:   Have a hard time getting organized. These people are too high in flexibility and tend to become less competent when under stress, letting others take over or fill in. They have a hard time showing their strong, competent side to their lovers.

Overfunctioners:   They know what is best not only for themselves but for everybody else as well. They are low in flexibility. During high stress, they move in quickly to advise, rescue, and take charge. In this way they avoid thinking about their own problems. They are commonly known as "Always reliable"

 Blamers:   They have a short fuse and respond in times of stress with emotionally intense feelings. They are usually in an unbalanced type of family system. They spend a lot of energy trying to change other people.  They hold other people responsible for their feelings and see others, rather than themselves, as the problem. They also tend to fight a lot. 

 Culturally, women have been encouraged to Overfunction in the areas of housework, childcare, and feelings, but in all other areas – they are socialized to be Pursuers and Underfunctioners.   Men however are socialized to be Distancers and Overfunctioners.  Both sexes are good at blaming other people. 


I find this fascinating and very helpful as I can step outside myself and evaluate how I function and how I want to function. I am not afraid of seeing character flaws I need to overcome, I am afraid of NOT seeing them.