The Picture That Changed My Life

I was reading the scriptures this week and came to a chapter in the Book of Mormon where Isaiah is talking about Christ.  It made me think....If I had the power to make life anyway I wanted, I'm sure I would choose to have a wonderful husband, wonderful children, a beautiful home, we would all be beautiful, well educated, healthy and successful.  In fact, we would perform wonderful philanthropy work around the world. Yep, we would be pretty impressive.  

Yes, if I were God, and could create a perfect life for myself, it would truly be a beautiful life.   Why is it then that an all powerful God, who could have had every luxury, honor, prestige, did not do that for himself?  Isaiah describes how Jesus Christ would live and how man would view the Creator of all things:

Oppressed,
afflicted, despised,
rejected of men,
a Man of sorrows,
And acquainted with grief,
stricken and smitten of God,
afflicted,  wounded,
And bruised,
The chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed,
He was born, died, and was buried, not of the king, but as a pauper.

He was trying to do the greatest work ever done, gather as many followers as possible, all while looking and living rather unimpressively.  According to any standards, Jesus didn't have the perfect life, with the perfect family, and the perfect house.  He struggled to be accepted by those he loved...some of his siblings didn't even believe in him.  He lost his earthly father, who must have been a great support to him as he grew, and was abandoned and betrayed by friends.

During one of the hardest times in my life, I viewed myself as abandoned by God. I viewed him up on his heavenly throne, completely able yet selfishly unwilling to give me even the slightest help.  I was so angry.  For a while, I even contemplated abandoning Him, as He had abandoned me, but knew only more heartache would follow.  

During this time, I saw a picture that changed my paradigm and therefore the trajectory my life was on, in an instant.  The picture showed Christ wounded, despised, rejected, and  full of sorrow.  It reminded me that Christ intimately knew how desperately miserable I was, because he went through something that was so hard, he too, could barely accomplish it.

All of a sudden, my anger melted away and was replaced with love and understanding.  I understood that he was there for me and that I had rejected him without realizing it, and it was me that needed to open up to him, rather than waiting for him to rescue me.  In that moment, I understood that if God's earthly life was so full of difficulties in order to fulfill his purposes, my difficulties would find a purpose, too. I endured severe trials for many more years, asking God the only thing I could think to ask - fix my life!  He didn't.  When I was ready though, he did deliver me in a way I could never have foreseen as a possibility.  He has brought me unspeakable peace and is always there for me.