This is such a valuable book and I wish everyone in the whole world would read it! It is fascinating to see how they diagram the decision process we use to make our decisions, so we can ask ourselves what our true motives are, and live a truer life, rather than one based on the lies we tell ourselves and defend relentlessly.
We tend to believe our paradigms are our true selves - we believe ourselves to be charitable, hard working people, and at times, wonder what's wrong with other people. Yet analyzing our thought process linked to actions and motives reveal true character. This might sound laborious and time consuming, but it only takes a moment, and is well worth it.
It is also helpful to know that we all, as in... EVERYONE deceives ourselves on a regular basis, so telling ourselves that we don't - doesn't fly. The key is to catch ourselves and change our thoughts, motives, and if needed, actions. While reading it, I noted some people I am "in the box" toward, and am working to get out of it and see them in a new light. Why? because it's a healthier and happier way to live!
Notes I took:
1.
An act
contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self
betrayal
2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world
in a way that justifies my self-betrayal
3.
When I see a self justifying world, my view of
reality becomes distorted
4.
So, when I betray myself, I enter The Box
When we’re in the box, we inflate others’ faults and inflate
our virtues. We blame so we can justify
ourselves. Our feelings have to justify
ourselves, so we have to look at the world as attacking us and we have to fight
back.
5.
Over time
certain boxes become characteristic of me and I carry them with me.
They become part of me, causing me to view myself in a
distorted way.
6.
By being
in the box, I provoke others to be in the box
The way they act invites me to be in the box and act in a
way that invites them to be in the box and act in a way that causes me to want
to stay in the box….a cycle. It’s like
saying, “I’ll mistreat you so that you can mistreat me and we can blame each
other for mistreating each other.”
7.
In the
box, we invite mutual mistreatment and attain (obtain) mutual
justification. We collude in giving each
other reason to stay in the box.
What doesn’t work when we’re in the box
1.
Trying to
change others
2.
Communicating – we’ll be thinking we’re right
3.
Leaving – take our box with us
4.
Doing my best to cope
5.
Implementing new skills and techniques – all will
be skewed and ineffective
6.
Changing my behavior -
We don’t NEED to blame when we’re out of
the box
We get a perverted sense of pleasure at
seeing someone else fail when we're In the Box
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